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Barstool Banter

Sports Jerseys Part 1: How old is too old to wear a sports jersey in public? (Asking for a friend.)

Remember like 20 plus years ago, when you could wear a sports jersey, and not be mistaken for Nelly (featuring Murphy Lee) and or any of the other St. Lunatics? No offense either to Lil John and Eastside Boyz, whose “anthology of musicianship” pulsed my way through college, but I had my own stash of Jerseys pre the year 2000 that were pretty dope and fresh if you ask me. It was the thing to do, as stores in the mall had them hanging up over the walls. They were great because they could rep our team AND our favorite player, even if you didn’t do sports good in real life.

They didn’t have to look very far. He was at the Holiday Inn.

Gettin ALL decked out

My early stash in junior high went the NBA direction. 6th grade Christmas brought the black Orlando Magic Penny Hardaway jersey, and of course a bright red and yellow trimmed Hakeem Olajuwon Rockets jersey, because Hakeem was and is a GOAT. Later in high school, there was a store that is no longer in my suburb that was kind of like Venture, hell maybe it was Venture (like the cousin of TJ Maxx), and they had balls cheap football jerseys, so at age 16, I grabbed a Ray Lewis and John Randle, because apparently, purple was my color? Suffice to say, I didn’t end up in the Hall of Fame, AND I also didn’t murder anyone the night before a Super Bowl. (allegedly)

This decade, the “jersey T-shirt” is in, and it makes the whole throwback game way easier. No need to get decked out in your super baggy Jorts, when you can get the same satisfaction in a T-shirt. I happen to be a fan of this, as it fools the kids these days, who know nothing of the world before 2017. Not to mention, it keeps me in fresh with old Gen X and sometimes Boomer generations. As well, my NBA Jam collection goes over very well at 90’s Trivia night with the elder millennial crowd. (Boom Shackalacka!!!)

These guys would need to get on the Sega Genesis version, pronto.

Rules are rules

The jersey in public deal may be going out of style, depending on who you are or where you live, and to each their own. Nonetheless, an unofficial decree had been made, voted on by society that the only acceptable time for a man out of high school to wear a jersey is at a sports game, preferably of the home team, or, at an event or gathering wear that team is on TV.

Regardless of whether you feel it is taboo or not to venture out to a non-sporting event, nothing more brings on the question of “What is your life?!” than the guy with the random, beyond obscure jersey that no one knows exists. We’re not talking a throwback for a player from the 1970’s or 1980’s, we mean, “how was that player was relevant enough at one point to have that jersey made?” In order to see this phenomenon at its fullest, you need to venture into any park in Walt Disney World for maybe a few hours. It’s absolutely unreal. You are more than welcome to google random jerseys in public, it’s actually astounding.

I just have so many questions for you, “Mr. random attendee at Hollywood Studios” in a worn down Utah Jazz Jeff Hornacek jersey with no T shirt underneath. Or you, guy with the Lee Evans dark navy circa early 2000’s Buffalo Bills jersey. Are you even trying to be ironic, or are we past that point of being a little toooooo, Ironic, don’t ya think? Where did you find this? Did you intentionally seek it out and spend money on this? (Those suckers went for 60, 80, or even 100 bucks back in the day.) What made you decide to wear this in public, on this very day? I mean, do you also own Zubaz pants? If so, Dan Marino wants them back.

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